Its just been THAT kind of day.
Its not that I want to have company over every night to fill the house with another human presence. Its not that I want to spend hours on the phone after Britt goes to sleep so I can have adult communication. Its not that I want to write out an email to friends or family what I'm feeling so I can feel "heard" or "listened to". Its not that I want to get a babysitter and "get a break" from my baby girl so I can have free time to myself. Its not that I want to be invited to peoples houses for dinner and a movie so I don't eat salad with canned tuna and watch last weeks episode of Project Runway. All those things are wonderful and great and often help ease the pain or loneliness. Its not that I don't ever want those things or feel loved when I get those things.
It just that I want my husband to be home. So I can talk face to face with the person who knows me in and out and be listened to and understood. So I can be cuddled with on the couch and have someone else laugh with me at the funny parts in Shanghai Knights. So I can have a reason to make a legit meal that actually requires turning on the stove. I just want my husband to be home so I can use two hands to cook dinner, unload the dishwasher, bring the groceries from the car, rent a Redbox because not just anyone, but my husband is holding my baby.
Its just that I want my husband to be home.