Thursday, August 18, 2011

I'm a mess.

Not in a completely bad way though.

My little sister got married to her best friend less than a week ago. Two weeks ago, my best friend got a call from the adoption agency after waiting 10 months, that she and her husband had been chosen by a birth mom and could they please come pick up their little girl the next day? My little brother is trusting Jesus in new ways that makes me so proud of him and SO thankful to be his sister. My brother in law got word after weeks of waiting, that he passed his comprehensive exam for his PhD and would be moving forward in his program. My older sister told me yesterday of the turn she has taken in her walk with Jesus and how He has shown Himself faithful yet again in her life. It made me weep with joy after I got off the phone. Monday night I arrived in Oklahoma from a 5 week trip, thinking I would be so relieved to finally be in my own home, sleeping in my own bed, with everything familiar. But instead was met with a deep sense of loneliness and emptiness. This house is not a home without Eric. It feels like he left all over again. And today. Today was the first day I didn't breastfeed Britt and its breaking my heart. I know she is ready - she's the one that has done it. But it just sent me over the edge.

So many of the above things are good things. Wonderful things. And the other ones I have full faith that God is using them to draw me closer to Himself. I just don't think I've cried so many tears in one month. Its a little absurd.

Thats really all. I just needed to write it out - cleanse my heart of it. Cry as I typed. He is SO good. So faithful. So loving.

Psalm 42:11b - Put your hope in God. For I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.


Kristen said...

ugh. these are all such great, amazing, wonderful things, but i also see the pain in it. knowing that you have such amazing family and friends makes being away from them hard. i'm praying for you right now! that you would find contentment in OK. that he would give you peace and JOY for today.
psalm 46: 1-2, psalm 57:2-3

xoxo so glad i saw you last week :)

ack- said...

Hey - just getting caught up with some of my favorite blogs (and bloggers).
Walked in your shoes a time or two... trying to juggle the ministry of mommyhood/USAF spousedom while being far from where your heart is "home".
Know it is a time the Lord will use to reveal Himself to you and remind you His love for you.
Praying - ack