Wednesday, April 24, 2013

One year.


One year ago this happened and my life and my blood pressure changed for forever. Well, just my life, but it took a long time for my blood pressure to come down. I remember that day so clearly. I remember where I was sitting, what I was doing, and what my heart felt like when I picked up LuLu's phone call, that even though our paperwork hadn't even made it to Ethiopia yet and we had only been DTE (Dossier to Ethiopia) for 5 days, I just knew. I knew why she was calling.
These faces. These were the faces, toes and fingers, little warm bodies, and BIG personalities that He had chosen to be in our family. Their stories are still being discovered by us, but oh what a gift that I am the mother of them and I get the privilege of discovering them. I missed 4 and 8 years, which at times feels like decades, but Jesus willing, I will have the rest of their lives.
I remembering studying each picture for any detail that might tell me something. Anything. I was dying to hear their voices and watch them play. I said their names over and over, wanting them to be ingrained on my tongue as if I had named them myself.
I remember weeping, knowing they had endured so much pain and heartache already, feeling the weight that their pain meant they needed to come into my life. That the reason for receiving pictures of their sweet faces that day meant they were without parents to care and love them in the way they should be.
 I wanted to know them so badly. I couldn't wait. And here I am, 365 days later and I have still so much to learn. So so much. But I can tell you that Fiyori has the most beautiful hair ever. She is the first to share with Britt and Kobe, the first to offer to help me, and the first to bring up memories of Ethiopia. She would eat all day long if I let her. She is a perfectionist. She is curious about evvvvverrrythinnnnng. She loves to hoard save every scrape of everything that might have some significance to her or anyone else. She hates fish and loves pasta with marinara sauce. She is smart, really funny, and has moves on the dance floor that scare me to death. She is my shadow, and my first born. She is a JOY. Her heart is so sensitive to Jesus and I pray every day He has destined her heart for His kingdom.
 Kobe. Kobe is hilarious. He is 4 1/2 in age and yet has the mannerisms of a 16 year old. He cracks me up every day. His eyelashes are the longest I've ever seen on a boy and his little swagger makes me smile. He runs out of his room in the mornings, no shirt on, comes to a stance and flexes his muscles, asking me to tell him how big his muscles are. He asks a million questions every day. He is Britt's best friend and the one who broke her of her massive personal bubble. He thinks he's awesome and he's right. He is tender hearted. He is the first to tell me that the "Miller family is AWE-SUM Mom!!" We are son, we are.
 Oh, what a year this has been. As I was running today at the gym, I reflected that there are still memories that I recall with fear and trembling, remembering the intense sadness, anger, fear and anxiety that we have gone through. Adoption is not a pretty thing. And neither was the Cross. It's the most horrid example of pain and suffering, placed on a perfect Man who deserved none of it. But as I continued to run, He brought to mind the moments of redemption, the moments where His presence was undeniable and how He continues to provide, knit our hearts and souls together as a family and draw us closer to Him because of our brokenness. He is KIND. He is ABLE. And He is WORTHY.