Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Imagine holding the face of the person you love most. You search their face to remember every detail. The curve of their nose and the way their hair curls. How their eyelashes flutter as they blink, the shape of their ears, and the pinkness of their lips. You want to capture their giggle, the facial expressions you have learned to read before they say a word. The softness of their skin and how big or small their hand feels in yours.

Picture it.

This is all I have thought of for the past 3 days.

Because I know a mother that held and memorized the faces of her children for the last time.

My children's mother.

She hugged them, kissed them, looked into their eyes and had to say goodbye.

Thinking about it makes my heart SCREAM. Scream in anger at Satan for the hold he has on this world. Scream in longing at God for the day when there will be no pain and no tears. Scream for the sheer pain and agony she must have felt. Scream for the questions, confusion, hurt and abandonment my children must feel.

I learned yesterday that our children's birth mom attended her court date and relinquished her legal rights to the kids.

I cried reading that email, picturing her sitting with the judge, as he explains what it meant to give up her rights.

That its for forever.

That her kids will live thousands of miles away and she will probably never see them again.

And then I got another email. One that told me she visited K & F for the last time at the transition home where they are staying.

And my heart felt like it broke in two.

You may not have children, but as a mom already, I can barely visual it. Tears stream down my face right now as I think of saying good bye to Britt for forever. As I think of her pain. Her sacrifice.

I cannot think of a greater earthly love than what it takes to say goodbye to your children, knowing you cannot give them what they need. Knowing that if they stayed with you, they would mostly likely starve to death, or end up alone, begging on the street. Knowing that if you do say goodbye, they could be fed, cared for, clothed, given a future.

But wouldn't the question scream from every cell in your body, "BUT CAN THEY LOVE YOU LIKE I DO????"


If you can, for a moment, enter into her agony. For it is there that you will know how to pray for her. And that is what I ask of you. Eric and I have the honor of meeting her. I am completely dreading it. I don't know how I'm going to keep from sobbing but only by the grace of God. Will you pray for us? Will you pray for her? There are so many emotions, so many thoughts, so many feelings that will be in that meeting. And we want more than anything to honor her. To show respect to her. To reassure her in the best way we can, that we will care, provide and forever LOVE her children as our own. That her love and sacrifice will be remembered and honored in our home ALWAYS.

He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the LORD has spoken it. - Isaiah 25:8


rachel said...

Wow Anna, your words are so eloquent, profound, and deeply moving. I can think of no persons better equipped mentally and spiritually to receive these children. I pray that their mother is in awe of God for bringing two strangers across the globe who feel such a strong desire and deep need for HER children – to love them as if they were their own and that she is comforted in a way that only God could provide.

Anonymous said...

Wow Anna. This breaks my heart. As a mother I couldn't even fathom having to leave me children. What an awesome example she is of love. And you and Eric as well. God bless you for giving your heart to these children without even having met them. And what a day it will be when you finally do. You are an amazing women and inspiration. Please know that I will be praying for you and Eric and K&F and their mommy. My prayer is that in time and with Gods hand in it, everyone involved will have peace that passes all understanding and that you will all be able to adjust to this new life. Bless you heart girl. He is with you.

Jen Archer

Kris said...


Your mom is the amazing and loving piano teacher of my oldest daughter. We've gotten to hear little bits and pieces of what is to come for you all. Know that our family is praying for you, for your trip, for these precious babies, and most certainly for their birth mom. I have faith that even though she likely won't understand any of the words that come out of your mouth, she most certainly will see with her eyes and know in her heart that she is making the best choice for her babies. Safe travels, and many blessings to you all (and prayers for Nana too!).

In His Precious Name,
Kris F.

Anonymous said...

I know the pain that mother is going through. When our daughter was 16, she was pregnant and after much prayer and counseling, decided it best to give her up for adoption. I was there with my daughter saying good bye to her. It was brutal. BUT GOD... miraculously allowed us to find her when she was almost 21. Now she is part of our family again. When she had her first baby, she said she could not fathom the love that allowed us to give her away. She realized then that it was absolutely true love to say, I am not capable at this time in my life to care for her, so I will give her to you to love and train up in the ways of the Lord. I will pray for this dear mother who loves her children that much.