Miller Time

Imagine holding the face of the person you love most. You search their face to remember every detail. The curve of their nose and the way their hair curls. How their eyelashes flutter as they blink, the shape of their ears, and the pinkness of their lips. You want to capture their giggle, the facial expressions you have learned to read before they say a word. The softness of their skin and how big or small their hand feels in yours.

Picture it.

This is all I have thought of for the past 3 days.

Because I know a mother that held and memorized the faces of her children for the last time.

My children's mother.

She hugged them, kissed them, looked into their eyes and had to say goodbye.

Thinking about it makes my heart SCREAM. Scream in anger at Satan for the hold he has on this world. Scream in longing at God for the day when there will be no pain and no tears. Scream for the sheer pain and agony she must have felt. Scream for the questions, confusion, hurt and abandonment my children must feel.

I learned yesterday that our children's birth mom attended her court date and relinquished her legal rights to the kids.

I cried reading that email, picturing her sitting with the judge, as he explains what it meant to give up her rights.

That its for forever.

That her kids will live thousands of miles away and she will probably never see them again.

And then I got another email. One that told me she visited K & F for the last time at the transition home where they are staying.

And my heart felt like it broke in two.


You may not have children, but as a mom already, I can barely visual it. Tears stream down my face right now as I think of saying good bye to Britt for forever. As I think of her pain. Her sacrifice.

I cannot think of a greater earthly love than what it takes to say goodbye to your children, knowing you cannot give them what they need. Knowing that if they stayed with you, they would mostly likely starve to death, or end up alone, begging on the street. Knowing that if you do say goodbye, they could be fed, cared for, clothed, given a future.

But wouldn't the question scream from every cell in your body, "BUT CAN THEY LOVE YOU LIKE I DO????"



....




If you can, for a moment, enter into her agony. For it is there that you will know how to pray for her. And that is what I ask of you. Eric and I have the honor of meeting her. I am completely dreading it. I don't know how I'm going to keep from sobbing but only by the grace of God. Will you pray for us? Will you pray for her? There are so many emotions, so many thoughts, so many feelings that will be in that meeting. And we want more than anything to honor her. To show respect to her. To reassure her in the best way we can, that we will care, provide and forever LOVE her children as our own. That her love and sacrifice will be remembered and honored in our home ALWAYS.

He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the LORD has spoken it. - Isaiah 25:8